but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
