I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
