so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
