Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
