i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
