Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She is in my trunk
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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