she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i've created a new STD.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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