I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
