First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He shit in the fireplace
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
