i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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