you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
