Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I deserve this hangover.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
