you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
