He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
