Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
