Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
