people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
