What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
