i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
