During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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