Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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