I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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