its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
