i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
