there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
