Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
