There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
