I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
