Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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