Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
