but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
