CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
