So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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