I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
