I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
