i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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