but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
