Pappa wants mamma naked
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need moral support for this bender
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
