Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
