I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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