I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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