ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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