Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You don't make any sense
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