u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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