and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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