My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
