u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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