Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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