please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
