Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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