the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
