i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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