I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
can u get pink eye on your cock?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
