a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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