I want to make a zoo with you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
