I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You're like the curious george of whores
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
