just come out here and I will go home with you...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
