Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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